Dreams, Glitter and Tears

I suck so bad.


So ok, updates and stuff... cliffnotes version:

Darling and I met in October on 2 occasions, more to come on that, orlly just logs of what i downloaded in channel.

Holy shit. He's amazing. What don't I love? pfft.

I got a promotion and raise at work, FINALLY. GAH.

James and I are doing pretty good, although he gets jealous at times. I dunno how to soothe his ego any more than I am, yet anything i do gets shot down instantly. Sunuvabeech.

Darling's Roommate, Eskimo started talking to me during his visit and she and I have become closer than I have come to any other woman, ever. I love her dearly. I've been waiting so long to really connect to another woman the way I do with her. It was totally worth the wait.


Winter has come and along with it the deepest depression I have felt in a long time. wish i had a street pharmacist available to get prozac from. or something. anything. I have turned to old habits and curse myself daily for them.

I have lost a substantial amount of weight, at Darlings encouragement. I don't know how to begin thanking him for that.

I learned just today that I lost a neighbor, and I am reminded that only a few days ago was the 1 year mark of losing my Great Grandfather, the one man that truly loved me, yet abused me horribly. *sigh* A couple of beloved pets have passed as well.

Day to day life is a struggle, but the benefits of surviving is debatable yet overwhelmingly joyous.

Shit happens.

Writing from the library again. They block messaging and chat sites, otherwise I would have gotten on IRC or AIM by now to let people know that we are ok, just are dealing with a dark house at night.

Life without power is BORING. I feel highly UNDERstimulated and agitated. It sucks.

Today, I went to a POD and got more ration boxes, they didn't give me nearly as many as they did when I had the kids with me, they seem to be less understanding to the fact that the kids are in school, even though I showed them my last tax return, drivers lisence and a picture of the 5 kids. We did get more water and ice though, which was good. I stopped by the store and purchased an extra cooler to put more of our food in. I got some canned goods and a few pork chops to cook tonight for James' birthday.

I got home and  cleaned out the freezer, which was leaking all over the kitchen floor. I got a call from the school and picked a sick Laura up early. shit- that reminds me, I need to text Emily to tell her where Laura is. doing so now...

I am trying to find someone that will let me borrow their oven for a couple of hours, I'd like to surprise James with the brownies I promised him, with 40 candles on them, just like he wanted. Hopefully, things will work out.

To my friends reading this, I miss chatting with you and just being silly having fun with you. I am guessing it might be a week or so before I am back online, but when I do, we will celebrate!
To Darling, thank you for the phone calls and texts, when life is so still and silent, the phone ringing is a gift from above.

Until I can steal away to the library again...

PS. For those keeping track of when Darling and I meet, the dates have changed a little- he is coming through TWICE, on the 16th AND on the 18th. I plan to meet with him both times. I am on the countdown and have already started to save towards the car rental. (even though it is only across Houston, it's too far to take the Duster, which is literally being held together in places with baling wire and duct tape) EXCITED isn't the word for it!! :D

I am writing my entries from now on from the public library. I attempted to go to mibbit to chat with my friends on freenode but the bastards at the library blocked it.

School began again yesterday for the kids and they were excited to go. Kay is the last one to leave on any normal day and she was getting ready. I was chatting with a friend, who has a new lady-interest. (Good going, and I look forward to hearing about her when I get back online!!)

We heard a *BOOM* and the power went out. Oh, damn. A transformer exploded and it was a close one. We are gussing at this point that it was the one in the back yard next to ours, but we aren't sure, it could have been the one in our back yard...

It sounded like someone shot a gun outside my window. Kay and I looked at eachother in surprise and I told her "We aren't going to get power back today. Not for a long while." My logic is that the work crews came through about a week ago to restore power to my neighborhood after Ike, they have moved on and are busy with other areas that haven't been restored yet. After all, half a million people are still waiting for their power, why should they double back just for us. It's only 35 houses, we are a low priority.

We called and they told us that crews are working 24/7 and it will be a while before they have time to come back to fix ours again. Well, damn.

I already miss my friends and Darling.

But today is only the beginning.

2 exciting things happened today, aside from the MRE goodness:

1: James worked today, first time in over a week! They got a generator at the shop and he was even able to get his most recent paycheck! YAY!

2: Darling told me that he has an upcoming work conference in California and will have a flight layover in Houston! 4 hours to snuggle and enjoy eachother's company. I can't wait!! The tentative date is October 18th.

We found a Point Of Distribution today that had MRE's!



We are enjoying them immensely



One thing I found entertaining:



Epic.

Working at a grocery store has it's perks. One one hand, we get to feel important because the community needs us. On the other, they go absolutely crazy and clean out the shelves of food and water after a hurricane. At least we can stash a few things in the back for ourselves to buy before the customers get it all.




Still running out of some water and a lot of soda







We seem to be missing some toilet paper


and noone can bbq, although some dumb people are getting themselves sick by doing so with fireplace starter logs tonight...



still not much in the way of bread



and they got all of the canned meat too



After a hurricane, who doesn't need chips?



And don't even think about eggs...



or milk...



we still have some stuffin the front cooler



But not much in the meat department



Or produce...



There wasn't any ramen either but i didn't manage to get a picture of that empty shelf... I work tomorrow, I wonder how fun it will be. I'm glad to report that almost everyone stuck with the limits we had set with the few exceptions trying to take off with half of the store's stock. Greedy bastards.

Here are some pics of damage in the neighborhood we didn't get to go far because we are still under curfew:


My friends' house. The tree did go into her roof some.


Our daughters' best friends' house


Downed fences by the elementary school


More fences down


These people lost their carport


A view of the mess people were dealing with


broken trees and more mess


More mess and broken trees



a lot of fences looked like this


another lost fence


a view down my street


another fence


our neighbors tree


That's all I have for now.

Seeing everyone working together in harmony, sweating and bleeding and crying together is one of the most awe inspiring things I've ever seen. To describe it in words truly does it no justice. I am so proud of our community right now and know we will continue to help eachother as we all slowly recover from Ike.

We got power back last night but did not get internet until today. We are lucky, as many people in our are are still without power right now. In all we weathered the storm pretty well. We lost half of the maple tree:




And our neighbors tree fell onto our shared fence:






Their side of the fence:



It buried our baby Oak tree but after some cutting, we found it:


It made it but seems to have a little lean...


The house seems to have come through it pretty good but the yard is quite littered:





 
And work lost a couple of trees but is doing pretty well too:

Ike will be here late tonight and we are preparing. I've taken pictures of the yard and our home, epecting that at least a few things will not make it through the storm.

One thing I am certain will not make it is our maple tree:



I also worry about the slatted "roof" over our back porch:




The house seems like it should be fine, although we may get a little damage to our roof.

ok, so that's a crappy pic, but I swear, it's ok!


Life at work is exciting. A lot of things are missing from our shelves and I figure it will only get worse.

If you can find a parking spot, there are so many people shopping that there are no carts:



There is little water:




practically no bread... I took three of those loaves




I figure it will get worse from here.

Many of my regular readers know that a while back I submitted a picture to Cute Overload and it was published there

mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2007/08/full-bodied-wit.html

Well, the owner of the site asked me if I would be ok with her publishing the photo in her 2009 calendar and of course I said yes.

Today I got a box

 

In the box was

November 29 is my picture!!






My Deviant Art page shows the original

pogovina.deviantart.com/art/Have-a-cup-of-cuteness-12589063

Darling and I are doing well, his phone calls have really become something I enjoy. Not to say that I never did before but it's quickly becoming one of my favorite late night habits. I enjoy talking with him and lulling him to sleep with my sweet voice. I especially love it when he falls asleep on the phone and I whisper little things to him. Most of all, he is enriching in his encouragement and playful teasing. I look forward to that the most, I think.
I still want him to collar me and I wrote him a letter telling him what i need and wat out of life. It was good for him to know but it was especially good for me to think about it. I have spent many years of my life no longer knowing what I wanted out of it. For me to really reevaluate my needs vs my desires is so good for me. I thank Darling every day that I think about myself rather than being a slave to others needs. He doesn't know I do, but it's true nonetheless.

Other things in life, in a month, I will be at my job a year. That feels fantastic, especially after several short lived jobs and James telling me I wasn't capapble of holding a job. I just needed something that made me happy. As mundane as it is, I enjoy seeing my regular customers and hearing about what is new in their lives. It's a highly social job which is perfect for me. I spent too many years without proper social interaction and I now realize how badly I was hurting for it.

Romance at home not to be forgotten, James and I are doing well. He snuggled me tonight for quite some time, petting and running his hands over my hair. Given that he is still quite distant in general, it was nice. He has increased his snuggling and hugging in general, which makes me happy.

The kids are good, getting ready to go to school. I'm not ready but they are, emotionally and mentally.

Nicholas passed away, which saddened us all but it was his time, he was getting old. We will bury him under the tree in the back yard.

In all, life is good. For once I am happy, truly happy. I'm glad I finally came forth with some secrets that had been haunting me, the truth really does make everything in life better.

Ok, so I decided I've fucked off enough and want to get back to journalling regularly. Honestly I missed doing it but between work, home and pure laziness I've managed to stop writing all together. At first I had a good excuse though- I had sketchy internet connections and writing days of private and friends-only entries from scratch was a real bitch. I couldn't leave them on text documents on my computer because of suspicions of snooping. BLAH. Life.

So the short of what's been going on since I wrote regularly? I'm certain I will forget a lot and some will be out of order but here goes a checklist:

One of my female  rats, Juliette (my first in this house and my first female) has a tumor. It's on her left shoulder and over the past 8 months it has grown to be almost 2/3 her body size. The vet says that it would have been more dangerous to put her under anesthesia to remove it than to just let it stay, and that she may just get another one where she removed the alst. As long as it doesnt impede her eating and breathing and take away from her quality of life, it's ok to leave. I hate to do so but Juliette is getting old and she still to this day frolicks and plays, gives tons of kisses and enjoys being held.... There's just more of her to love.  I do feel sorry for the poor girl though. And angry at the breeder that assured me that tumors did not run in her bloodline.

My big boy, Donnie, passed away the day of Emily's surgery. I came to the conclusion that James was right once again (he's always right, damnit) and Donnie was much older than I guessed him to be. He slowed down in his last few days and lost some weight so we saw it coming and most of us were able to say our goodbyes. Donnie now resides in a large pot of daffodils on our front porch, his name painted on the pot.

So Emily had her surgery, that was an aventure. I talked a lot about it in my last entry though so I won't get too into it. The highlight for me was her waking up from anesthesia, pointing to me with a dopey smile and saying "Rita!" She repeated with James and Laura. Poor Laura thought that they fucked her brain up and cried, scared for her big sis. I explained that she was just really really high and we wanted her that way. Kids, don't do drugs, it scares the shit out of your loved ones. Emily is prescribed truth.

What else? Emily's recovery was longer than she'd like and she still can't do everything she wants to physically but she can breathe better and the pressure is off her heart and lungs. That's all that really matters. Oh and she's taller. She loves that.

About a month ago, my other original female rattie, Annika started growing a tumor on her right hind leg. It's growing quickly but again the vet says she should be fine without surgery. Annika is Juliette's sister and is mother to Balthier, Jacob, Duck and Ophelia, along with other babies that found new homes last year. I now worry for the babies. I am trying to contact everyone that took one, but i have deleted most of their information unfortunately. If any of you read this, please email me.

I got a fish tank this summer, something I picked up off Freecycle.org. It seems we saved the one fish that was living in it, the conditions were just awful. We now have a few happy swimmers in the living room.

School is due to start August 25th. Almost everyone is mentall ready although we have yet to scramble for school supplies at the last minute... it costs a lot to get stuff for 5 kids. Laura will be joining Emily in HS this year and is going to be in ROTC. I worry that she will not stick with it long but we will see. I hope for the best, I think the structure would do her some good. Either way, it should be interesting.

So yeah, Em and Laura have gone to and come back from TN. It was rather uneventful from what I hear. To be expected. Emily and James texted eachother a lot during the time they were gone so we didn't talk on the phone as much as I would have liked. And I wrote them a letter but neither of them wrote back. Poo. Emily did mention that her mother, who claimed "Don't get baptised, I'll spend the summer reading the Book of Mormon with you and discussing it with you, then you can decide whether or not to get baptised." did absolutely dick with Emily on that subject. Emily said that every time it even began to possibly come up, her mom would tense up and get a look in her eye, obviously angered by the subject being even thought of. So they didn't talk about it. They didn't read. And Em didn't tell her mom she already did get baptised. I knew this was going to be the outcome of that situation, and I am ashamed for her mother, who calls herself and open minded person acting the way she has about this. It's not as though Emily was going to be a porn star or wanted a baby, or does drugs. It's religion! Something a 16 year old should have the right to choose for themselves. Heaven forbid Emily or Laura have something that is really worth getting upset over come up in their lives, they have no reason to believe that their own mother would support them and their right to decide for themselves. I am so happy that I am so supportive of them growing into lovely young ladies, making wise choices for themselves. Even James, who is totally not into "this church thing" is silently supportive, rather than blatantly opposed. According to James, Kristen (their mom, his ex) gave him the evil eye when he picked them up. So much for being civil. Aparently Mike (stepdad) was friendlier than Kristen, which is saying a lot since he hates us with a firey passion.

In work news, I am about to hit my one year anniversary at my job. Woo! On the bad side of the coin, due to a fuckup by one of James' coworkers, he has lost 65%+ of his workload permenantly. Sometimes they couldn't keep him busy anyway so this royally sucks. We are re-budgeting currently.

In my personal life, things have gotten a bit complicated but are really good. More about that in another entry.

I can't think of anything else right now but I hope that I stick with this a little better this time.

Tonight was the baptism.

Emily and Elder Nay wore garments of pure white and both looked so excited! :)
We opened withe a Hymn: I Know That My Redeemer Lives. After that, one of the sisters of the church, Allison Smith gave an opening prayer. Sister Hannah Smith gave some words about baptism and they were so encouraging to Emily. We had some technical difficulties and while we waited for them to be sorted out, Elder Cooper bared his testimony to us. It was lovely and I really enjoyed it.

Then Elder Nay and Emily went into the baptismal pool while little James and London and I stood close to her, for support (and to see what the big deal was about, for the little ones). Other children of the church came to the front near the baptismal pool to see and gain an understanding of the physical aspects of baptism. Emily was visibly nervous but calmed as soon as Elder Nay began the baptism. It was over in a few seconds and I worried about Emily for a minute as the shock of being placed under the water, then lifted back up came over her. Emily is quite fearful of water. She was fine though and we went back to our seats as she went to change into her pretty skirt, shirt and jacket.

We sang 3 more Hymns while she and Elder Nay changed, and they joined us for the last of the 3rd. Sister Zollinger gave a few words on the Holy Ghost and how Emily was going to receive him. She kept it short because Sister Freeman bared her testimony to Emily and all of us. It was so hard to not cry when these passionate women spoke with love and admiration in their hearts. Next Elder Nay bared his testimony. Emily had agreed that she would bare her testimony if both Elder Cooper and Elder Nay did, and she did a wonderful job. She feels that she isn't a good public speaker but my eyes were not the only ones that had tears in them in that room. Emily's best friend, Jackie was there to witness her baptism and she decided that she needed to say a few things. Jackie's speech was powerful and encouraging. She had a seat and I felt the need to get up and speak myself but I froze, too overcome by emotion to be able to do anything. I decided that I will bare my testimony tomorrow at church since it is a fast Sunday.

Emily was welcomed into the church by Sister and Brother Lenfesty. They both gave great speeches during their welcome and I appreciated their strength.

We closed with Emily's favorite Hymn: The Battle Hymn of the Republic and a prayer by Sister Freeman.

We had refreshments after and enjoyed talking and congratulating Emily on the step she made to be closer to God. We took pictures and told a few jokes, and then it was time for us all to part ways. We shook the missionaries hands, in our special ways. We thanked everyone for coming and told them we would see them in church tomorrow. And we went home, with peace and joy in our hearts.

It was beautiful. Emily deserved nothing less. I hope I will never forget about this event, this part of Emily's life, as it was an amazing evening that has helped our family feel a little closer, and closer with Him.

So much has been going on lately. I've been keeping a cliff-notes version journal on my computer and I plan to back-post as soon as I possibly can.

Here at home, things are going well. Emilys surgery on 12/4 was successful.
She is recovering very quickly and has impressed the doctors. She was supposed to be in the "Step-Down" unit (Shriners version of an ICU) for 3 days but she only needed to be there for 18 hours. She was walking 1 day after surgery with assistance, and was even playing her violin again by day 4 post-surgically. She even did a little dance for the doctors when they came to see how she was doing. They were quite amused. She was supposed to stay in the hospital until the 14th
but got out on Monday evening. She is adjusting to living at home pretty well, sleeping on the couch and her mattress on the floor since her bed is a "loft" style, kind of like a bunk bed with the top bunk only. (Her and Laura's computer and desk are underneath the bed. She still wakes every 3.5 to 4 hours for more pain medication but is sleeping less fitfully when she does sleep, meaning that James and I can as well. We have been sleeping on the floor in the living room next to her in case she needs anything. Today I had to leave her at home alone for a few hours while I was
working and I was relieved to return home to find her sleeping comfortably. She will have a tutor assigned by the school come to our home twice a week to help her with her school work but we have to the rest of the time. It won't be too terribly hard with the exception of her Japanese class. James and I speak very very little Japanese. Hopefully her tutor will specialize in Japanese. We expect Emily to return to school mid January. The timing of the surgery really couldn't have been better. Her classes are doing a lot of review right now in preparation for mid-terms. She also has the holiday break during her recovery time so she will be missing less school. We are so happy with her recovery, she has been so very strong through all of this.

In other news, Donnie, my original male rat passed away on the day of Emilys surgery. He was apparently older than I had originally thought. I hate it when James is right. Darnit. My Great Grandfather, Leslie, also passed away, on the 8th. He was 94. His health had been deteriorating and in the last few days, the family that was with him said that he really didn't look good. From what I know, he went peacefully though, so that's all that really matters. He was a great influence in my life.

here is a link to his obituary: http://legacy.com/cjonline/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=99248299

He was a really great man.

There's a ton more to write about but I'm afraid I need some sleep as I have to work in the early morning. I'll try to update soon.

I took this yesterday when I was taking pics of the babies, it's so darn cute!

 

Today I took lots of pics! I got great shots of the babies and some cute belly shots for Gina. The pictures totally show how teeny they are compared to my hands! They are so much smaller than the other litter.

 

First, the boys:


Alf and Eugene


Moe


Laurens boy, yet unnamed

And the girls:


Rose


The rest of the girls. The blurry one is the smooth furred baby, while the rest are wavy like the one on the far left.

Here are todays baby pics. They are growing so very fast, and are so cute.

( Pics! )

Today is my Saturday! whew!! I'm sooooo tired, I'm not doing anything today! HA! This is my designated "Lazy Day". Suck it if you don't like it, lol!

I played with the rats today, as I try to as often as possible. I also took some pics of the babies.

The babies are a week old today. Here's the whole gang with a ruler to show their size!



http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb248/Pogovina/1weeklg.jpg