Dreams, Glitter and Tears

So much has been going on lately. I've been keeping a cliff-notes version journal on my computer and I plan to back-post as soon as I possibly can.

Here at home, things are going well. Emilys surgery on 12/4 was successful.
She is recovering very quickly and has impressed the doctors. She was supposed to be in the "Step-Down" unit (Shriners version of an ICU) for 3 days but she only needed to be there for 18 hours. She was walking 1 day after surgery with assistance, and was even playing her violin again by day 4 post-surgically. She even did a little dance for the doctors when they came to see how she was doing. They were quite amused. She was supposed to stay in the hospital until the 14th
but got out on Monday evening. She is adjusting to living at home pretty well, sleeping on the couch and her mattress on the floor since her bed is a "loft" style, kind of like a bunk bed with the top bunk only. (Her and Laura's computer and desk are underneath the bed. She still wakes every 3.5 to 4 hours for more pain medication but is sleeping less fitfully when she does sleep, meaning that James and I can as well. We have been sleeping on the floor in the living room next to her in case she needs anything. Today I had to leave her at home alone for a few hours while I was
working and I was relieved to return home to find her sleeping comfortably. She will have a tutor assigned by the school come to our home twice a week to help her with her school work but we have to the rest of the time. It won't be too terribly hard with the exception of her Japanese class. James and I speak very very little Japanese. Hopefully her tutor will specialize in Japanese. We expect Emily to return to school mid January. The timing of the surgery really couldn't have been better. Her classes are doing a lot of review right now in preparation for mid-terms. She also has the holiday break during her recovery time so she will be missing less school. We are so happy with her recovery, she has been so very strong through all of this.

In other news, Donnie, my original male rat passed away on the day of Emilys surgery. He was apparently older than I had originally thought. I hate it when James is right. Darnit. My Great Grandfather, Leslie, also passed away, on the 8th. He was 94. His health had been deteriorating and in the last few days, the family that was with him said that he really didn't look good. From what I know, he went peacefully though, so that's all that really matters. He was a great influence in my life.

here is a link to his obituary: http://legacy.com/cjonline/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=99248299

He was a really great man.

There's a ton more to write about but I'm afraid I need some sleep as I have to work in the early morning. I'll try to update soon.

Wow, 11 years has passed by since you fought the world and decided to wait as long as you could before we FORCED you out. LOL, you were going to stay another month if we let you!
You were such an easy baby and bright toddler, you transitioned into the school life easily and made lots of friends without problem. You have your little quirks but we love you just the way you are.

I'm glad you had such a great day today, it was a lot of fun making your cake and letting you and Lauren use my camera to make a show. Good job on the special report on the stray dog! We all had fun at your party, even Daddy.

I am so proud of you, you have chosen how you want to live your life and what kind of person you want to be and you have held true to it! Good job being YOU! I love you.

Happy 11th Darling Kay, you're growing up so fast and doing so well.

Love,

Mommy

*knock knock knock*

*groan* it's 6 am the morning after we got home from an amazingly short 10 hour drive from Memphis to Houston. What on earth does a kid want this early? Probably to play video games or eat. Ugh.

*knock knock knock* Such a teeny, gentle rapping at my door.
I open the door. It's James. He looks concerned.

Then I smell THE SMELL. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? PLEEEEEEEASE tell me someone just forgot to flush or something. UGH, it's so... "off" smelling.

"I need new undies" he mumbles "I had an accident"
NO. nonono.
"A peepee accident?" Oh God please let it be a peepee accident.
"...no"
fuuuuuuuuuuuck

He is only wearing a shirt and is coated with a foul smelling liquid all the way to his ankles. I peek to my right into the bathroom and see a TRAIL of liquid poo. I see his shorts in front of the toilet. They have taken on an entirely new color. I see NO underwear. UGH, he was commando!! I groan and look to my left. The trail continues down the hall, behind the couch and into the living room where he was sleeping. I grab a towel, some foam cleaner and start scrubbing in front of me as I tell him "get naked and run yourself a bath, don't touch anything."

I step forward to scrub more. EW. I step in a drop I didn't see. I somehow keep repeating this offensive mistake, because we have a NAVY BLUE carpet and the trail is just drip drops in a spattered line with the ocassional small pool. I finally scrub all the way to the couch, where he was sleeping. The cushion has taken on moisture but no matter. I scrub the cushion and flip it.

I go to the bathroom and every step is moisture. I have to tell myself over and over that it's CLEAN moisture, that I didn't miss any... Please don't tell me I missed any. James is in the tub running water, but the plug is not in the drain. I plug the tub, pour in some shampoo for an insta-bubble bath and run a few more inches of water. Scrub the kid from neck to toes, remove everything in the bathroom that was nailed by random spatters, towel James off while asking normal Mom questions about whether or not his tummy hurts, headache, etc. As soon as I tell him he is going to have medicine, he says "I'm not sick, I'm uhh... hungry."
"No, son. you just pooed for 30 feet. you're sick."

He's all dressed in new undies and back on the couch with a towel under him, sleeping.

Thank GAWD this did not happen while we were on the road or in Tennessee.

Gee... I'm hungry. Anyone want cocoa and chocolate pudding?

Harry Potter comes out in the theatre today locally. I've been looking forward to this for multiple reasons:
1. I love Harry Potter and can't wait to see the movie
2. Charlie and I are going to go see it together

yep, Charlie and I are really going to get together and go out this time. No more standing me up or last minute changes of plans. I called him tonight and we set it up. Saturday night. I can't wait!

in other Charlie news, he has a girlfriend of one month named Alice. He said she will have a problem with he and I going out because she is the jealous type but since he PROMISED me that we would see Harry Potter together he said he won't let her stop him from going out with me. I hope it doesn't cause a problem between the two of them.

in general news, life is boring here. Money is overly tight and we may not be able to put together the funds to get Emily and Laura from Tennessee. James is quite stressed about it, as am I. If we do get the money together to bring them home, Laura may bring her 2 parakeets with her. She thinks she has a female and a male. Interesting. Also, Donnie the rat is settling in very well here, he has taken a liking to Kay. It's good that they are bonding, and she loves him a lot. Donnie has finally gotten to play with Annika and Juliette, and while they stressed him out a little at first with their hyperactive antics, he got used to them afer a bit and curled up on the couch while I waas petting him. He's a lazy thing but I love him. He doesn't seem interested in the fact that the girls are... well, girls. James is happy about that, I'm sure.

For fun today I decided to blow a whopping $7 and get the kids a slip n slide. Upon opening, I discovered that persons over 110 pounds, 5 feet tall or "adults" are not to use said slip n slide. Of course, this means I HAD to.

See fun and said conga'ing below:



London

Kay, laughing after a half flop

James, who never got it right

Oh yeah baby! Kersplash!

and of course...

We called emily and laura today. They said that things have been going pretty slow there. They spend time alone without Kris or Mike there, I guess he works for his parents now for a part time job. They bought the girls $300 in craft stuff at hobby lobby to keep them busy while they're gone. Yeesh, so much for not having any money I guess. As long as they're spending on the kids and not a lawyer. That makes me happy. I wish they had more opportunity to have fun and do stuff outside of the house though.

I called Charlie and we made a "date" for his birthday. We are planning to go out with some of his friends, then back to his place to watch a movie. Friday! I asked James if it was ok and he said that is would be. I also talked to Jen, who is doing better and seems to be more stable emotionally than I had sen in the past few weeks. I've been quite worried about her, she's so happy and so sad at the same time. I love her so much, I feel protective of her.

Today is James' 6th birthday. We spent the day at home preparing for his party. We went shopping, he got an outfit for his build-a-bear cat and a new build-a-bear husky dog. London bought a "beating heart" to put into her bunny. We went to Hot topic and James spent the rest of his money on a shirt, a lightup bouncy ball, Gir night light, Gir chapstick and a few other odds and ends. We then went to Walmart and Kay bought him a car and got some party supplies for him. We bought his cake, icing and the coolest candles. The candle itself is plastic and has a wick. The flame lights up the same color as the candle, so the purple candle's flame was purple, the green one was green and so on. We got back home, baked his cake, had pizza, decorated his cake and had his party. We wanted to call Emily and Laura but hubby James insisted that we would talk to them in a few days. The party and the day was good, and we got some cute pictures and videos. I can't believe my little guy is already 6, it seems like yesterday that he was a tiny baby, kicking inside my belly. I'm glad he's still kinda a mommas boy, and loves to cuddle and snuggle me, it makes me feel like my baby isn't gone yet. But he's growing up to be such a big guy, I'm so proud of him.

Happy 6th Birthday, James. You're my monkey, my bubby, my boo-bear and my favorite little monster. May the year creep by so you enjoy every single thing a 6 year old should.

On the way back from Memphis, we filmed this little vid. Just us clowning around.

I'm backjournaling and pre-apologise for doing it all out of order. I promise in a few days my journal will make sense again. Thanks for your patience!

I decided to just photojournal the trip back from Memphis since I didnt have my computer with me to enter everything in a document like I have been lately. Here is "Memphis to Sugar Land, in pictures with captions"




TO



( View the pictures here )

We got Emily and Laura up and ready to be picked up by Kris and Mike, and I realized just how much Laura packed. I don't think she left anything that she cared about at home, which says a lot because she loves everything she owns. I got James to pose in a photo of the entire family, which we haven't taken since the day we were married almost 6 years ago.



We saw them off, which was a little bit creepy. Mike yelled "Hey guys!!!" and waved from inside the car, which he didn't get out of. Apparently his leg was hurting or something. He shook James' hand from inside the car. It was weird seeing him so friendly, knowing how very much he hates us. This is a guy that says I send him dead animals and told Laura that her face would rot off when she was 6. Not the most tactful or plain nice kind of guy, if you ask me. Kris hugged James and I, and the 3 of us Ninja-packed (tm) their car. Laura had enough stuff for a van and they had a tiny 4 door econobox. I really don't know how we did it.

We said our goodbyes and got our last hugs. The kids went in the house as James and I watched the car take off and then we went inside. Tears were already streaming down my face and I came inside to a very quiet forlorn Kay. I asked if she was ok and she shook her head no. I asked with a shaky voice if she missed them already and she sobbed into my chest. There's my answer. She and I curled up on the hide-a-bed and cried ourselves to sleep.

I woke some time later and James and I discussed lunch. The kids were being a bit rowdy so we decided that we were going to go to a McDonalds with a playplace. Apparently, Memphis doesn't believe in those, so we opted for a Burger King with one instead. Afterwards, we went to Walmart and bought some toys for the kids and a couple crafts to keep us all busy. We also got a couple decks of cards.

The kids and I did the crafts while they watched a video and James rested in our room. Jim was sleeping so we were trying to be quiet for him. After a while, James and I went to the store with the kids and then when we came back, I jumped on the internet and uploaded the pictures from the trip so far and gave Jim and Jason copies of them. I chatted with the gang at the FL and the ladies in Chatzy, which was awesome. I got to stay for a while, but then James seemed really irritated and asked to talk to me. I finished up, showed the pictures to Jim and asked James what was up. "I want to leave. NOW" I immediately figured that something had happened that had upset him but when I asked he said he just wanted to leave, that nothing had happened. He wanted to go home and be in his own bed and near his own things instead of being here. he also felt that the kids were overstimulating Jim and that Jim would get upset with them because of how they were acting. They were just acting like excited kids in a new area. He was also upset because he said that I was acting distant to the kids and him, which I don't think I was doing but maybe when I got sucked into painting, I neglected them all too much. I begged him to stay for a while longer, at least until morning. I talked to Jim about it and Jim reassured me that he wanted to spend more time with the kids and they weren't overwhelming him at all. He said that he wanted to at least take us out to a movie and a meal before we left so we planned on that. I decided to get the kids down early and try to comfort James.

We rented a minivan this morning, while we were driving over, James and I had an interesting conversation. More on that later for the private readers. We packed the van up and loaded the kids in. We actually left for TN a little before noon, which was great timing.

Laura was in a shitty mood for most of the trip and I finally snapped at her at a taco bell somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Arkansas. She and I came to a quick understanding and she seemed to straighten out.


Laura


Kay and London. Great face, Kay.


James


Emily and the grumpy daddy that didn't want his picture taken.

The rest of the drive was rather uneventful, with the exception of stopping off in Galloway, which is the shittiest little rat hole in Arkansas. There was a cop there, who was quite nice and chatty, I think he was just glad to see another white person. No offense to non-whites, of course. Just saying.



We arrived at Jims house a little after midnight, which was great time. We unpacked and got the kids settled in, and then Jim and I talked all night. I watched Emily and Laura sleep for a while, as they are due to be picked up first thing in the morning.

I took the kids to get their pictures today. They talked me into getting MY pic taken as well, with no warning and NO MAKEUP!! CRUEL!! The pics of the kids came out great, I'm not too pleased with mine. Oh well. Here's the kids all together:

To all of the mothers I know out there, and those I don't even know:

I hope you have a happy Mothers Day. Cherish those babies while you can!


Today has been good so far. I slept in, woke up to a bouquet of flowers from James. Kay greeted me with a big hug and Emily was so eager to give me the present she made for me: A heart shaped box (one of my favoite songs :D ) Kay gave me some paper flowers that she made, the petals opened up to special messages like "You're always there for special times" "you're always there for me when I'm sad or scared" "you give me a good night with a hug and a kiss" and so on. London gave me a bracelet she made out of pipe cleaners, which is really scratchy but I like it anyway. She also made me a card and wrote me a little poem with an attached single serving of green tea (my favorite):

I will try my best in every way
to be extra sweet on Mothers Day
But if you become upset with me
please relax and have a cup of tea

how cute :)

Laura gave me a picture of a 3 headed dragon. It's really cool looking but she copied it nearly identically from a picture that her friend drew in a sketchbook. Laura is really creative, I'm not certain why she didn't try something original. Of course, she did wait until the last minute, maybe she just didn't have time to make something more personal. I hung it with the card, flowers and poem in my room. I haven't decided what to put into the box Emily gave me, although it already has a few candies in it from her.

Last, James bought me something silly that I've been wanting for a while: An I-Cat. It's black and I am enjoying the cute dancing and lights that it does. I didn't know that they play simon says with lights and music, which is cool. I am disappointed that it advertises to "scratch" the music when you rub it's face a certain way. I thought it would actually make the music scratch, but instead it just plays some little sounds on top of the music. Interesting but not what I'd hoped. In all, I love it and am going to kill my mp3 players batteries (and the i-cat's batteries) in no time. I wish my mp3 player recharged like Emily and Lauras do.

Well, I'm off to paper mache on my dragon some more, pics to come soon!!

The kids are home from school for holiday today, so things are hectic. They gave me some time in the morning to chat with the chatzy girls for a bit, which was great!!! I really enjoy talking to them, and even though I don't get all of the inside jokes or have the bond that they do, I think they tolderate me pretty well. Unfortunately I had a bunch to do though so when the internet died, I got to business.

I called the dental clinic about my line position. I've been in line for about 2 months now and this cavity doesnt seem to be getting worse but I still have pain on a semi-regular basis. They told me that since I was in pain, they'd be able to work me in on the 25th. Finally. Now to just get the kids in for their appointments.

I talked to Jim, my ex father in law. He is doing better by the day but is still rather weak and frail. I asked him for medical history since all of this doctor/dentist stuff has me filling out paperwork and I need to know what members of the paternal family for Kay and London have what ailments. He gave me his info and what he knew of Jamie (my ex). He also gave me Jennifers number so I could get her info and the address for Jamie. Jennifer is Jamies sister. She doesn't want to give up Jamies contact info, she's acting all protective like I have some malicious plot to harass Jamie or something. She even got a little pissy about it, which annoyed the shit out of me. I'm the mother of his children for Christs sake, I need to be in contact with him about certain things regarding our kids. She has no right to stick her nose in the middle of it but that's her perogative. So fine, don't give me the info. Fucking drama.
I looked up Jamies contact info by phone/internet. Public records and correctional databases are wonderful things. I got his release date: 5-23-23. I also got on a calling list to notify us of any court dates or status changes for him. Now if I can only find the public records of the court proceedings online, I'll be set.
While I was looking for Jamie related stuff, I looked up child support statutes re: children of inmates and other assistance. I didn't really find much other than a few programs that are intended to help families bond again after incarceration. Well intended programs, I'm sure but not what I am looking for. London and Kay will be 24 and 26 when he gets out of prison. Thank God.

In other news, Em got in trouble for not being where she told us she'd be in addition to taking other liberties via bad memory. I'm certain a short grounding will remind her of our expectations and it won't happen again, at least for a while. The rest of the family is doing well and are all in good health at the same time for once. I think I will try to go figure out how to start a letter to my ex, whom I've not heard from in 7 years. This should prove interesting.

Today was Lauras eye appointment. She kept begging and pleading for contact lenses and I kept telling her that there was no way that we were going to get them for her because of their price. I also told her that they're hard to put in and that you can feel them. This is no big deal to her, she just wants colored contacts! it'll look cool. And she watches her friend put lenses in all the time, it's easy. *sigh* I say no again and again. We pick some really nice frames that are just *so* Laura. The doctor tells me that I likely have astigmatism and nearsightedness, and that I should get my eyes checked. I get the bright idea of asking him to give me some samples of non-prescription color contact lenses. I love playing with the colors and this way Laura can try some without us shelling out the cash for them. I pick about 6 different colors and get to take them home. Most of them say "demo" on them somewhere on the colored part or around the colored part so they're just for fun around the house. But 1 pair doesn't. Caribbean Aqua. I wasn't going to get it originally, it looked fake on the example paper.

When I got them home I put them in. I love them. Against my natural green eyes, they are the prettiest and amazingly natural looking turquoise. I'll be sad when they are too old to wear anymore. I plan to wear them just now and then and take care of them inbetween.

I dropped Laura off at school and then went to Kays school to drop off Kays glasses. I watched houston symphony orchestra bassists give a show to the kids, her class was watching. It was really cool. Kay has decided though that she wants to play the flute. Flutes are expensive so I hope that we will be able to find her a student flute for cheap on ebay or something. I also applied for James and I to get our eyes checked by the Doctor that saw Kay and Laura, at his request. He said we should be able to get help with getting the checkup and glasses for cheap if not free. That's the best price.

Later in the evening, Emily, Laura and I decided to try on the contacts that I'd gotten earlier. I showed the girls how to do it, and coached them through little things. Em gave up after a while but got awfully close to getting one in, Laura got a set in and liked how they looked but decided she didnt like how they felt and took them back out. We had a big woman adventure, it was fun.

I totally didn't feel like cooking so I scrapped together my change and some reward coupons that the kids earned from school. I took all of the kids to McD's for dinner. Only spent 10 and change to get dinner for the entire family. We usually spend about 17 or so. Not bad. after that, we scrapped together the rest of the change and got James a couple beers. James deserved it, he worked extra hard this past 2 weeks and his paycheck actually showed it. Now he can get his glasses and we can get me a new set of tires!

( See my ultrasound pics! )

Well, lets start with the good news:

James Phoenix, my nephew, is doing well. He had to have a transfusion last week but is growing so fast! He's 2lb 14oz now! Here is a pic of him:



now ( the bad news )

Emily,

I can still remember seeing you peek out from behind your Daddy at strangers and getting in tickle fights with me downstairs while the other kids played upstairs. You always had a shy smile and we loved to play danger-zone with stuffed animals and ball-pit balls in the living room. Your giggles and the sudden load "WOAH!"s we'd hear as one went zinging by at high speed or smacking loudly into a wall always made me smile. I remember jumping on the trampoline in the rain and laughing as we knocked eachother off-balance and causing a domino effect with the other kids. I remember climbing the maple tree and how my heart would jump into my throat when I'd look up and see you 2 stories up saying "Look how high up I am!!" I knew you were careful but I still worried. It seems like yesterday that we did those things.

Now I have new memories of you as a young woman too. Putting your makeup on for your military ball, playing the violin in concerts all dressed up. Seeing your sense of fashion and individuality come out in your day to day activities and in the things you purchased for yourself. Knowing you were dating age and coming to terms with you not being a little girl anymore. Giving you the opportunity to earn money for yourself by babysitting so Daddy and I have a night out or so we can run errands. We really appreciate that! I love teaching you how to drive and seeing the gleam in your eyes as you get the hang of it more each time you do. You're doing so well and we're so proud of you, both Daddy and I. I know you're a great big sister and influence on your siblings and you tolerate them really well. Few people know how hard it is to be the oldest in such a large family and how annoying it can be to have a 9 year spread between oldest and youngest. Just when you discovered your need for privacy, he discovered his need to violate it!! Little brothers can be that way. Thanks for being patient. Thanks for being you. You think that'd be an easy thing to do but it's pretty hard making your own way apart from the crowd and still fitting in at the same time. I'm glad you've found your balance. Last but not least, I love you. We all do. You're an unforgettable, absolutely necessary part of our lives and we'd be lacking severely without you in our lives. You mean the world to all of us, even when you're grumpy, sick or just having a rotten day.

Happy 15th Birthday!

With wishes for many wonderful love filled days where you're spun in circles smiling,
Rita/Mom

Today Emily went to a birthday party so I took the rest of the kids to the park for a picnic lunch and skating. It was rather uneventful. My hip still isn't strong enough to make it too far on my skates but I'm getting better. I'm skating every day and am sore enough to know that I have to be getting stronger. James didn't want to skate and I knew he wouldn't want to, so I brought his scooter along for him to ride on. The afternoon went well and I enjoyed spending time with the kids. Laura came along and it was pleasant for all.

Woohoo! Spring Break!! What does that mean?

It means no gettin up super early to make grumpy drowsy children get ready for school.
It means no mid-day visits to the elementary school to instill eyedrops.
It means no worrying about being on time to get kids from school.
It means I can take the kids out to do weekend things all week...If I can get the older ones peeled away from their music and bedroom.

But it also means:

It means that the house will be torn up faster than I can clean it.
It means that the fridge will be empty other than peanut butter and jelly.
It means Emily has to babysit any time I have to go to an appointment.
It means fighting over the TV, the Video Games and the Computer... and lots of it.
It means I have to hear "I'm Bored" the minute someone is off of their computer or video game turn for the next week.
It means I'll be overstimulated by whining and fighting but will be glad to have them home at the same time.

I got the great idea that I would take the kids to the local park that has a nice path around a huge pond to skate, since skating on our street sucks a lot. Whoever thought that it would be a good idea to put ROCKS in the concrete for streets here was a tard. I really don't know how the neighbor lady can rollerblade in the street. She must have incredibly strong legs or something.

Em and Kay have birthday parties to attend this week and I've gotta balance them with my already filling schedule of stuff to do this week. Today will be a mess of me being on the phone but hopefully the rest of the week will be better.