Dreams, Glitter and Tears

We got here safe and sound last night, got the kids tucked in, the van unloaded and everyone but me crashed. I was hopped up on frappachinos with espresso shots added in.
Jim and I stayed up until about 4 am talking about everything under the sun, from the kids to the vietnam war, to Reganomics, to binary code, my ex-husband/his son, Jamie (the one that I recently started a letter writing campaign to) and of course, Jim's health. I listened to his heart and he has a substantially enlarged heart with a very noticable and most likely malignant murmur. His liver is failing as well and he has a lot of mystery problems that the doctors are just guessing back and forth on what the diagnoses are. He is in good spirits, aside from his general hate for doctors and being dragged through bullshit in his treatment and frustration at the different medications he has to take, their interactions and side effects. it's a battle of living longer and quality of life and some days he really seems to want to jus stop taking the meds and LIVE for a while. I don't blame him, but I encouraged him to stay with his treatments anyway because a lot of things that make him better internally may not be things that he can actually feel the effects of.
I slept next to him, sitting up with my head on his shoulder on the couch, until he got uncomfortable, but then it was about time for me to get the day started with the kids anyway. I got them breakfast, got the playstation set up so Kay could show Jim how good she is at Guitar Hero. He really liked it, he cranked Freebird as she played it.
The kids took turns quietly playing video games as I napped on the recliner in the living room and Jim slept on the couch, as is his regular snoozing place.
After he woke, I talked to him for a while and we huggled with me sitting my hips on the edge of the couch and my back against his chest. It was nice, as he's more of a father to me than my own and I really enjoy how open and cuddly of a dad he is. More about this whole thing later. Sorry for the public readers but it'll be an entry where you have to be on my friends list. If you're on there, you'll see why. Serious stuff.
later I got sick, because James and I got in a tiff. I settled down and ate to get my blood sugars back in order. James and I talked briefly and he is still debating whether or not he just wants to visit Emily and Laura and leave them with their mother for the school year or if he wants to bring them home. I think he is just acting on his stress, which is never a good idea.
We ordered pizza, got some beer and other goods at the store and just chilled at Jims house tonight, as the kids watched TV, visted with Jim and played video games. We really enjoyed hearing Jason, my (ex)brother in law, play the piano. he's really gotten amazingly good in the 2 years he has been playing.
I gave James a few Celexa and between those and the beer, he crashed. I got the kids settled in and decided to update my journal and see if I could figure out why Christel didn't come through yesterday. Someone directed me to a journal entry that she wrote saying she had an allergic reaction to a bug bite and got very sick. I hope she is ok. She didn't mention me in the entry at all, nor missing our get-together or the note that i left at the front desk of the hotel for her. Odd.

It took me a while of poking around my email and then getting ready to write this entry and I figured it out:

Turns out, she left a note on another entry of my journal, but I had already turned my computer off because I was shutting everything down to save power while we were gone. I don't know why she didn't call me, and I still don't understand why she didn't answer her cellphone. But at least I know it wasn't malicious at all.
She will be back in February, I believe. Hopefully we will get together then.

Emily and Laura get dropped off at 11:30 tomorrow morning, we stay the rest of the day to visit with Jim a little longer, then early Tuesday morning, we are packing the van up and are on the road again. That's the plan anyway.

Well, We just left Christel's hotel.

I called before we left, as promised. I got no answer. But she was up late so maybe she was still sleeping. I turned on the kitchen computer and logged into xchat really quick to see if she was online. Still away status. I left a query telling her "wake up, sweetie! I'm on my way"
We loaded up the van and kids and I drove to the hotel. I called her cellphone again from the lobby. no answer. I went to the hotel room and knocked. no answer. I called her hotel room from the lobby. no answer. Finally, I just left a note for her at the front desk. The clerk says that she saw "them" leave, but didn't know when. She said that she would give Christel the note upon her return.

We left. I pouted and picked myself apart for about the first hour of the drive out of Houston. Did I do something wrong? Was I too eager and maybe scared her off? Did she simply forget about me? Did something job related or an emergency come up? Why isn't she answering her cellphone? Why wouldn't she have called my house if she needed to cancel? Did she intend on meeting me at all? So on and so forth, leading into the last week of Darren standing me up on Wednesday and Charlie standing me up and then avoiding me last Saturday. Why is this becoming a habit for me? James suggested that maybe I am choosing friends with the same base character flaw that leaves them inconsiderate/unreliable or just jackasses. I don't believe so but then again, 2 out of the 3 this past week have been 6 year friendships.

Meh. Back to navigating so we can get to Memphis as quickly and painlessly as possible. Wish us luck.

On the way back from Memphis, we filmed this little vid. Just us clowning around.

I'm backjournaling and pre-apologise for doing it all out of order. I promise in a few days my journal will make sense again. Thanks for your patience!

I decided to just photojournal the trip back from Memphis since I didnt have my computer with me to enter everything in a document like I have been lately. Here is "Memphis to Sugar Land, in pictures with captions"




TO



( View the pictures here )

That's right, a shot of Sauza tequila with salt and lime please.
People in Memphis are shocked over the silliest things.

Today we stayed in all day and let the kids spend as much quality time with Jim as possible. I went out and talked to him also, but enjoyed spending some time with James and helping him to be more comfortable there. I've never seen him so nervewracked about being away from home.

Later, we went out to eat with Jim. We went to a little mexican diner, where I ordered the weakest margarita I've ever had. So I asked for a shot of tequila and was looked at like I was a moron. Women aren't supposed to drink tequila or something... I did though and it gave me more of a buzz than the entire margarita, which was pretty big. pitiful. James and Jim had bigass beers. I asked the manager if I could keep the shot glass for my collection, as it's quite cute. It looks like a tiny beer mug. He let me have it, no charge. Nice.

After dinner, we dropped Jim off and then hit the store for a beer run. We spent the rest of the evening relaxing and packing up to leave tomorrow. The kids got to take pictures with Jim with his polaroid camera, which they thought was really neat. Heck, I still think they're neat too.

Off to try and get some sleep so I can drive in the morning. I'm sure James will want to leave early.

We got Emily and Laura up and ready to be picked up by Kris and Mike, and I realized just how much Laura packed. I don't think she left anything that she cared about at home, which says a lot because she loves everything she owns. I got James to pose in a photo of the entire family, which we haven't taken since the day we were married almost 6 years ago.



We saw them off, which was a little bit creepy. Mike yelled "Hey guys!!!" and waved from inside the car, which he didn't get out of. Apparently his leg was hurting or something. He shook James' hand from inside the car. It was weird seeing him so friendly, knowing how very much he hates us. This is a guy that says I send him dead animals and told Laura that her face would rot off when she was 6. Not the most tactful or plain nice kind of guy, if you ask me. Kris hugged James and I, and the 3 of us Ninja-packed (tm) their car. Laura had enough stuff for a van and they had a tiny 4 door econobox. I really don't know how we did it.

We said our goodbyes and got our last hugs. The kids went in the house as James and I watched the car take off and then we went inside. Tears were already streaming down my face and I came inside to a very quiet forlorn Kay. I asked if she was ok and she shook her head no. I asked with a shaky voice if she missed them already and she sobbed into my chest. There's my answer. She and I curled up on the hide-a-bed and cried ourselves to sleep.

I woke some time later and James and I discussed lunch. The kids were being a bit rowdy so we decided that we were going to go to a McDonalds with a playplace. Apparently, Memphis doesn't believe in those, so we opted for a Burger King with one instead. Afterwards, we went to Walmart and bought some toys for the kids and a couple crafts to keep us all busy. We also got a couple decks of cards.

The kids and I did the crafts while they watched a video and James rested in our room. Jim was sleeping so we were trying to be quiet for him. After a while, James and I went to the store with the kids and then when we came back, I jumped on the internet and uploaded the pictures from the trip so far and gave Jim and Jason copies of them. I chatted with the gang at the FL and the ladies in Chatzy, which was awesome. I got to stay for a while, but then James seemed really irritated and asked to talk to me. I finished up, showed the pictures to Jim and asked James what was up. "I want to leave. NOW" I immediately figured that something had happened that had upset him but when I asked he said he just wanted to leave, that nothing had happened. He wanted to go home and be in his own bed and near his own things instead of being here. he also felt that the kids were overstimulating Jim and that Jim would get upset with them because of how they were acting. They were just acting like excited kids in a new area. He was also upset because he said that I was acting distant to the kids and him, which I don't think I was doing but maybe when I got sucked into painting, I neglected them all too much. I begged him to stay for a while longer, at least until morning. I talked to Jim about it and Jim reassured me that he wanted to spend more time with the kids and they weren't overwhelming him at all. He said that he wanted to at least take us out to a movie and a meal before we left so we planned on that. I decided to get the kids down early and try to comfort James.

We rented a minivan this morning, while we were driving over, James and I had an interesting conversation. More on that later for the private readers. We packed the van up and loaded the kids in. We actually left for TN a little before noon, which was great timing.

Laura was in a shitty mood for most of the trip and I finally snapped at her at a taco bell somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Arkansas. She and I came to a quick understanding and she seemed to straighten out.


Laura


Kay and London. Great face, Kay.


James


Emily and the grumpy daddy that didn't want his picture taken.

The rest of the drive was rather uneventful, with the exception of stopping off in Galloway, which is the shittiest little rat hole in Arkansas. There was a cop there, who was quite nice and chatty, I think he was just glad to see another white person. No offense to non-whites, of course. Just saying.



We arrived at Jims house a little after midnight, which was great time. We unpacked and got the kids settled in, and then Jim and I talked all night. I watched Emily and Laura sleep for a while, as they are due to be picked up first thing in the morning.