Dreams, Glitter and Tears

Working at a grocery store has it's perks. One one hand, we get to feel important because the community needs us. On the other, they go absolutely crazy and clean out the shelves of food and water after a hurricane. At least we can stash a few things in the back for ourselves to buy before the customers get it all.




Still running out of some water and a lot of soda







We seem to be missing some toilet paper


and noone can bbq, although some dumb people are getting themselves sick by doing so with fireplace starter logs tonight...



still not much in the way of bread



and they got all of the canned meat too



After a hurricane, who doesn't need chips?



And don't even think about eggs...



or milk...



we still have some stuffin the front cooler



But not much in the meat department



Or produce...



There wasn't any ramen either but i didn't manage to get a picture of that empty shelf... I work tomorrow, I wonder how fun it will be. I'm glad to report that almost everyone stuck with the limits we had set with the few exceptions trying to take off with half of the store's stock. Greedy bastards.

Ok, so I decided I've fucked off enough and want to get back to journalling regularly. Honestly I missed doing it but between work, home and pure laziness I've managed to stop writing all together. At first I had a good excuse though- I had sketchy internet connections and writing days of private and friends-only entries from scratch was a real bitch. I couldn't leave them on text documents on my computer because of suspicions of snooping. BLAH. Life.

So the short of what's been going on since I wrote regularly? I'm certain I will forget a lot and some will be out of order but here goes a checklist:

One of my female  rats, Juliette (my first in this house and my first female) has a tumor. It's on her left shoulder and over the past 8 months it has grown to be almost 2/3 her body size. The vet says that it would have been more dangerous to put her under anesthesia to remove it than to just let it stay, and that she may just get another one where she removed the alst. As long as it doesnt impede her eating and breathing and take away from her quality of life, it's ok to leave. I hate to do so but Juliette is getting old and she still to this day frolicks and plays, gives tons of kisses and enjoys being held.... There's just more of her to love.  I do feel sorry for the poor girl though. And angry at the breeder that assured me that tumors did not run in her bloodline.

My big boy, Donnie, passed away the day of Emily's surgery. I came to the conclusion that James was right once again (he's always right, damnit) and Donnie was much older than I guessed him to be. He slowed down in his last few days and lost some weight so we saw it coming and most of us were able to say our goodbyes. Donnie now resides in a large pot of daffodils on our front porch, his name painted on the pot.

So Emily had her surgery, that was an aventure. I talked a lot about it in my last entry though so I won't get too into it. The highlight for me was her waking up from anesthesia, pointing to me with a dopey smile and saying "Rita!" She repeated with James and Laura. Poor Laura thought that they fucked her brain up and cried, scared for her big sis. I explained that she was just really really high and we wanted her that way. Kids, don't do drugs, it scares the shit out of your loved ones. Emily is prescribed truth.

What else? Emily's recovery was longer than she'd like and she still can't do everything she wants to physically but she can breathe better and the pressure is off her heart and lungs. That's all that really matters. Oh and she's taller. She loves that.

About a month ago, my other original female rattie, Annika started growing a tumor on her right hind leg. It's growing quickly but again the vet says she should be fine without surgery. Annika is Juliette's sister and is mother to Balthier, Jacob, Duck and Ophelia, along with other babies that found new homes last year. I now worry for the babies. I am trying to contact everyone that took one, but i have deleted most of their information unfortunately. If any of you read this, please email me.

I got a fish tank this summer, something I picked up off Freecycle.org. It seems we saved the one fish that was living in it, the conditions were just awful. We now have a few happy swimmers in the living room.

School is due to start August 25th. Almost everyone is mentall ready although we have yet to scramble for school supplies at the last minute... it costs a lot to get stuff for 5 kids. Laura will be joining Emily in HS this year and is going to be in ROTC. I worry that she will not stick with it long but we will see. I hope for the best, I think the structure would do her some good. Either way, it should be interesting.

So yeah, Em and Laura have gone to and come back from TN. It was rather uneventful from what I hear. To be expected. Emily and James texted eachother a lot during the time they were gone so we didn't talk on the phone as much as I would have liked. And I wrote them a letter but neither of them wrote back. Poo. Emily did mention that her mother, who claimed "Don't get baptised, I'll spend the summer reading the Book of Mormon with you and discussing it with you, then you can decide whether or not to get baptised." did absolutely dick with Emily on that subject. Emily said that every time it even began to possibly come up, her mom would tense up and get a look in her eye, obviously angered by the subject being even thought of. So they didn't talk about it. They didn't read. And Em didn't tell her mom she already did get baptised. I knew this was going to be the outcome of that situation, and I am ashamed for her mother, who calls herself and open minded person acting the way she has about this. It's not as though Emily was going to be a porn star or wanted a baby, or does drugs. It's religion! Something a 16 year old should have the right to choose for themselves. Heaven forbid Emily or Laura have something that is really worth getting upset over come up in their lives, they have no reason to believe that their own mother would support them and their right to decide for themselves. I am so happy that I am so supportive of them growing into lovely young ladies, making wise choices for themselves. Even James, who is totally not into "this church thing" is silently supportive, rather than blatantly opposed. According to James, Kristen (their mom, his ex) gave him the evil eye when he picked them up. So much for being civil. Aparently Mike (stepdad) was friendlier than Kristen, which is saying a lot since he hates us with a firey passion.

In work news, I am about to hit my one year anniversary at my job. Woo! On the bad side of the coin, due to a fuckup by one of James' coworkers, he has lost 65%+ of his workload permenantly. Sometimes they couldn't keep him busy anyway so this royally sucks. We are re-budgeting currently.

In my personal life, things have gotten a bit complicated but are really good. More about that in another entry.

I can't think of anything else right now but I hope that I stick with this a little better this time.

Work has been going well, I have been working full time hours so far, so much for a part time job. This next week, they have me scheduled for 37.5 hours, so I guess they are trying to give me part time hours, or something.

I've discovered an irritation I have with people on welfare. I've found that a lot of people on food stamps buy a lot of junk food. Damnit. I can't even buy genuine meals for my family let alone 20 pounds of ding dongs, twinkies and chocolate bars. Urgh! I don't even want to buy premium cuts of meat like a lot of the other people on welfare do, I just want regular old hamburger, hot dogs and sammich bread, maybe some 10 for a dollar ramen noodles. sheesh. Is that too much to ask for? tell the government, they keep saying that my family isn't eligible for such things because James has a job and we are married. What kind of backwards thinking is that? If someone has a "baby daddy" and is otherwise legally single, and sits on their ass watching soaps all day instead of bettering themselves and getting at least a minimum wage job and trying to support themselves, they can get money for food and bills, free medical care and the government is FINE with this!? UGH!! This is not all of the US that is this way, in Kansas, if you proved that you were at least trying to find work and that you had a genuine need for assistance, you were helped regardless of your marital situation. Denial based on legal marriage is retarded. If anyone out there in Texas is married and has welfare, please for gods sake tell me how you did it, or at least that the lazy bitch at the welfare office just lied to me or something because I've had it up to *here* with my snooty next door neighbor getting welfare, driving a brand new SUV and sending her brats to PRIVATE school just because her loser of a husband beat her and ended up in jail so she divorced his lame ass. fuck. I couldn't even get help for my family when I had hip surgery, couldn't walk, let alone care for myself or my kids, James had to take off of weeks of work to care for them and we racked up thousands and thousands of dollars in medical bills, and credit cards just to pay for living while he was taking care of the kids instead of working.

Why am I ranting about this here? I should make this my next Franky Rita entry. I might just do that tonight...

anyway, people on welfare that don't try to take care of their families themselves fucking suck. more later on that. :)

So work is great, I'm learning buttloads of produce codes and didn't realize that my fingers could move so fast on a 10-key. I only have to remember the right sequence of numbers in addition to remembering the right numbers themselves. One thing at a time. My bosses are impressed with me, except Michael, who couldn't be impressed with anything in his godawful excuse for a life if it depended on it- he is OBVIOUSLY depressed that he didn't make more of his life, hates his job and it shows on his face every painful waking moment of his day.
When I applied for the job and interviewed, I wanted daytime hours, from before school to when school gets out- 3:00. So I could be with my family at night, of course. Working sucks if you're alone all day at home while everyone is gone and then you work when they're all home. Since I covered a dayshift for someone at the last minute and do such and fantastic job of keeping my till even (is that really hard? Making sure I have the right amount of money in my till at the end of my shift is super easy. tonight I was .01 short because I accidentally dropped a penny into the check printing machine- oops!), I got great hours this next week. I work 5 days, which is more than I really wanted, and have 37.5 hours scheduled, which may as well be full time, but 4 of the 5 days are early morning to early afternoon shifts, even on the weekend- which is great because most of the heavy shopping is done in the mid afternoon to evening. I wish I was getting off of work a smidge earlier than 3:00 so I could meet the kids at school at 3:00 instead of risking being a few minutes late (which the school will NOT tolerate, the snobby fuckers) but overall, I'm overjoyed with the schedule. I get Tuesday and Wednesday off, which is cool because I can get appointments and stuff done then, which normal working peeps don't have the luxury of doing! Ha!

I got some Dr scholls insoles for my shoes, not the gel kind, which were kinda cool but a kind with arch support and a really padded heel, which was what was hurting me so badly by the end of my shifts. They even state that they help with lower back pain, which I have because of holding my body in a new and weird way to work the turntable system that brings the groceries to me. Between the insoles and 600mg of ibuprofen midway throughout my shift, I am in signifigantly less pain than I was before.

I still haven't lost any weight due to my continued muscle gain from biking all over hell and creation. But I have fantastically stronger, firmer, shaplier legs! If only James was a leg man, right? Haha! I wish I could train that into him, I've always had pretty great legs if I should toot my own horn. Specially in 5" or taller heels! HA!

Anywho, I feel better than I have in weeks, I'm making a decent income to suppliment James' and soon we will be able to do nice things like take the family out to a buffet or go on a date, or just buy myself something while I'm out running errands! Freedom! Now just to get my old credit issues taken care of so I can get my credit score up high enough to get myself a bank account again. It's been so long, people take those things for granted! I want to have my own checking account so badly so I can write my own checks for bills and can balance my own checkbook and do my own debit card purchases!! Such little things that please me!

More about life in general later, as I'm playing with my rats as I write this and they are climbing all over the keyboard and are driving me nuts with it! They even saved my entry halfway through once!! sheesh, crazy ratties!

Today we had more training... which was basically throwing us on a register and having us work. I did great minus those damn produce codes. I thought there was an appropriate sticker on every piece of fruit and every veggie, but that simply isnt the case. I need to memorize these things!

In other news, today is my brothers birthday. he's 21 now.
In rat news, Aurora is HUGELY pregnant. her belly drags on the ground when she walks. She will definately be having a lot of babies. Carol should be getting Rudy, Remy and Rasputin on Sunday and Ashley still hasn't contacted me about getting Duck, I'm starting to worry. I introduced Nicholas to the other boys but he is aggressive to them so I put him back in with Aurora for a few days until I get another water bottle. It looks like Nick will live alone. Shame, he's so sweet to people.

Ok, I need sleep. more tomorrow!

Today was TABC certification. Texas Alcoholic Beverage Comission, for those not in Texas.
It was a breeze but took forever. It was completely computerized and on the internet, I could have done it at home. The best part was that I worked from noon to 4, so I got to be home with the fam.
I still feel sick so I rested for the evening.

I also got another letter from Jamie, 2 of them actually. He said he will be sending another letter in about a week with a check. This will be the first child support I've gotten in almost 9 years! he only makes about $70 a month though so I don't expect it to be much.

I had more training today. It was actually on the register, mainly just how to sign into the register, secure it for breaks and then sign out. We learned how to do WIC too.Then we had a test, which was easy. The hardest part is that we have to memorize produce codes, which totally sucks because there are a lot of them to remember. I sat next to Vanessa and I can safely say she didn't pass the test. I was the first one to finish so I went home first.
I have tomorrow off and I think I'm getting a cold, so I am not going to do an entry for tomorrow. I'm just going to sleep!

Also, today is my wedding anniversary! Happy 6 years to James and I.

It's off to work I go...

I started training today at the local grocery store. It was LOOOOONG and the trainer could have the course done in a few hours but she talks and talks about all sorts of things... which is fun but I'd rather be home than chit-chatting at work about her sons fear of all things halloween. More training to come tomorrow and then we have a test, yay.
My class consists of 2 men- Curtoy and Kenneth, and 5 women- Me, Cynthia, Simone, Vanessa and Melinda. I honestly think that Kenneth and Vanessa won't make it, they aren't doing well at retaining the information being taught.

Ok, i'm tired, more tomorrow

It's been a week and a half since I walked into the animal clinic and was interviewed and none of my references have gotten a call. I'm worried that Molly called my last job and they talked smack about me. So instead of fretting, I called her to follow up on our interview. It always looks good to appear interested, right? She relieved my worries by telling me that she has simply been busy and to call back if she hasnt called by next Wednesday. She sounded busy so I pleasantly let her go and crossed my fingers for her to call soon with "when can you start?"

Arlene came over and she and I filled out what's called a food order. It's basically a shopping list. She'll get it signed by the Bishop and then I'll take it to the storehouse to do the shopping. It's far away though, that's the only part I don't like about the whole thing. But it's free food, and that's the right price, so no complaints from me.

It's been over a month since we applied to the Shriners Hospital for Emily and Laura regarding their scoliosis. I spoke to a nice lady that told me that she had sent the approval letter yesterday, with an appointment date of July 11. On July 11, Em and Laura will be in TN. I rescheduled the appointments for Aug 22 and Sept 5 with a heavy heart. Em is really in a considerable amount of discomfort and has had some problems with breathing normally without chest pain. Her scoliosis is creating pressure on her lungs and maybe even her heart, which is scary. She has progressed to this point rather rapidly too, which worries me in putting it off another 6 weeks. I asked the nice lady to hold the appointment and if I didn't call back the next day before noon to keep the rescheduled appointments. It was nice of her to agree.

I called Carrie, a nice lady I've met on CafeMom. We've been discussing the possibility of me being a potential gestational surrogate for her and she asked me to contact her at work. She was gone, so I will try again. If I were to be her surrogate, not only would I be doing something really special for her, I'd get to experience pregnancy again without the financial burden of having another mouth to feed and I'd be compensated, which would help my family greatly.

The eyeglass place called, Kays glasses are in. I'll get them tomorrow when I take Laura to her appointment. I can't wait to see her in her glasses. She seemed to really like them.

Today James took the cable modem back. I took advantage of my last few hours on the net before he did though. He also took the digital cable box back too. Writing from the library already sucks.

We got into an argument about jobs and I put my foot down about jobhunting today. He didn't want me to because of how much gas I had in the car. It's on E. I went jobhunting anyway. I went to 2 places. The first was somewhat interested but gave me the old "we'll call you" routine. The second wanted to interview me on the spot. The interview went well and I was introduced to everyone at the business and given a tour of the facility. It sounds good. I was really nervous about this one because at one point, Ayshe and I were supposed to be working on a resume for me, FOR this place.
The second place seemed like it went so well that I came back home for lunch and decided to not hunt anymore today.

Lots to do, no time to do it and my computer turn appears to be up.

bartending at a sports bar. It's very "Cyote Ugly" in appearance. only female bartenders. looks like a LOT of fun. I start tomorrow :) Hopefully I'll make good money.